Banana Peels and Voldemort
by EnglishBrat
Summary: Planet of the Apes, Harry Potter, Topaz, and my wild obsession with monkeys, all in one happy-go-lucky, stupid as...er...me, i suppose - fic.


A/N: As I wait for writers block on Revenge to leave me, I have decided to write complete nonsense, just to relieve my creativ

A/N: As I wait for writers block on Revenge to leave me, I have decided to write complete nonsense, just to relieve my creativity . . . . . it doesn't mean anything, and I highly doubt it'll be good, but perhaps it'll release some inspiration in me….

***

Harry twirled on his slippered foot, casting glances around the room filled with teachers.

"Very good, Potter," Snape commented.

Hermione poked her head out of a trashcan and shot him a grin before ducking back to search for the magical banana peel she had dropped.

Harry used his wand to whack several professors upside the head, including Dumbledore, who was knocked out cold.

"I've got it!" Hermione exclaimed, brandishing a rotten banana peel in her hand.

"Great!" Ron exclaimed, striding into the room wearing armor and casting furtive glances everywhere.

The three came together around the banana peel (which was now on the floor) and said the magic words.

"I wish, I wish, with all my might, to be where dragons are in sight!"

Well, they didn't know the exact words, but that was close enough.

The world whirled around them, and they landed with a thump in the great land of . . . . . . 

*Author leaves audience in great suspense*

SCORPION-WORLD!

Ron hopped about, noticing how scorpions looked remarkably like spiders.

"Hermiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiione!!!!!!!!This ISN'T where we want to be!!!!!!"

"It isn't, is it?" Hermione asked, stepping barefoot in the ghastly creatures."Harry!"

Harry, who had been eating them with great lip-smacking, gave a start.

"Let's go," Hermione said impatiently.

They all gathered around the banana peel and chanted the new words:

"When you wish upon a staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!Doesn't matter who you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!!!!!"

With a small, poof, they left the hungry scorpions and appeared in the land of . . . . .

*More suspense from author*

LA-LA-LAND!

« I feel diiiiiiiizzy, » Harry said drunkenly.

"Oh, Ron," Hermione cooed, fluttering her eyelashes, "You were so braaaaaave, surviving those scooooooooooooooooooorpions!"

"Hermione," Ron said with a dazed look on his face.

Suddenly, Voldemort appeared.

"Hello?Where am I?HOW can I wreak death and destruction when I don't know where I aaaaaaaaam?" he whined.

"You're in La-La-Land!"Harry exclaimed, riverdancing.

"Oh, that's right!I don't have a soul!Damn that dark magic!"

"Oh, Roooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!" Hermione said, "Maaaaaaaaaaybe we should leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!"

"Whatever ya say, m'dear," Ron answered in a heavy southern accent.

They gathered around the banana (isn't it odd how it goes from being a banana peel to a banana?) and said the magic words:

"Scooby-Doo!I choose you!"

With a loud poof, they left the muttering Voldemort and appeared on …….

*suspense*

PLANET OF THE APES!!!!

Harry looked at the statue of liberty and dropped to his knees.

"YOU BLEW IT UP!" he screamed. "YOU MANIACS! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!!"

Hermione sang hysterically, "Doctor Zeus, Doctor Zeus! Do do do do! Doctor Zeus, Doctor Zeus! Do do do do!Ooooooh, Doctor Zeus!"

"Oh, you'll neeeeever make a mooooooonkey oooooooooooout ooooooooooooof meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Ron bellowed at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly, blue veiny people appeared.One of them looked at them and nodded, making a "beep" sound.Harry grabbed his head.

"Must . . . . .kill . . . . .Hermione!!!"

Hermione stepped away from him.

"Uh . . . .right.Listen, I don't see Doctor Zeus.I really wanted to hear his theory about how all humans should be killed . . .phooey. Oh well, maybe we should leave, Ron . . . ."

"NO, YOU'LL NEEEEEEEEEEVER MAKE A MOOOOOOOOONKEY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Hermione gathered them around the banana peel, with some difficulty, Harry trying to strangle her and all, and said the magic words.

"MATH KILLS BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They all vanished and appeared in…………

*all readers bite their fingernails in anticipation*

HOGWARTS!!!

…Wait.Rewind.Hogwarts?Let's do that over . . . . .

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF OH I FORGET THE NAME!

"Wow," Harry said, "we're in Topaz's story!Ultimate coolness!"

"Hey, I wonder where that black squirrel went," Hermione said, peering around.

"Topaz scares me," Ron said with shifty eyes. "Her stories are sad.Especially . . . .The one about the poor chicken!"

He burst into tears.

"What *sob, sob* did the poor chicken *sob* DO? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Hermione patted him on the back.

"There, there, Ronniekins.I'm sure Topaz had a perfectly good reason for killing off the chicken."*glares at Topaz*

"Let's leave," Harry said. "This world isn't happy ever after . . . . ."

"Fine," Hermione said, pulling out the banana.

They said the magic words and . . . . . . . . .

*ULTIMATE SUSPENSE!!!*

Nothing happened.They were stuck in Topaz' world forever.The end.

***

A/N: Stupid? Yeah.Moronic? Yup.Pointless?You betcha!This writer's block is really getting to my brain . . . . . . Anyway, maybe, just maybe, if you have a very twisted sense of humor, you'll like this :) And if you review, no flames please.I just had to write _something_ . . . . . . Go see the original Planet of the Apes one and two!!!!!!REALLY GOOD MOVIES! And have you seen that Simpsons? With Doctor Zeus . . .? Bwahahahahaha! 

Disclaimer: Basically, none of it belongs to me except the plot.Topaz is a great author, by the way.Her stories are infinitely better than mine, even the chicken ones :) 


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